


I Know You've Always Known Me To Make The Rules Up As I Go

by mithrilbookofmystery



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cussing, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Not Sure what you expected, Real bad!!, The commission?, also time-traveling assassins killing anything that changes the timeline kind of dampens the mood, and is also an amputee, and no incest, and then they open a shop bc why not right?, and we love him, bc thats!!!, blood mention, but this is Umbrella academy, but when isnt he a dumbass honestly, but yeah, chill a little, dave can cook, dont question it, he's our dumbass, i probably should have tagged that sooner, im sorry about it but also not really?, its there now, klaus is a forgetful dumbass (just like me!) and forgets to tell dave abt the weird shit in his life, like a lot i just realized, like jeez handler, my friend just said "use your manas" while holding a banana, never heard of her!, that has nothing to do with the story i just felt like i needed to tell ya'll that, that's there too now!, thats just my personal headcanon for what that's talking abt, this is gettin' wild yall, weird time travel stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-12-25 09:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18258479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrilbookofmystery/pseuds/mithrilbookofmystery
Summary: Dave didn't die in the Vietnam war, so Klaus never left. They finished the war, got a cat, and found a home together.Then Klaus thought it was a good idea to open a shop right next to his childhood home. Great idea! What could go wrong?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably shit, but ah well!(also I'm sorry! I tried!) This is an AU where A) Klaus never went back to the future (obviously), and B) the ever famous canon divergence that the other kids managed to stop the apocalypse by actually talking to each other instead of locking Vanya in a cage, and therefore never went back in time (that'll make more sense later). But anyways! Enjoy! I wrote this first chapter in one sitting in the middle of the night, so as I said, it's probably shit! But again, as I said, ah well!
> 
> Yes, I know I posted this like 3 hours ago and I already changed the title (it's now a line from Sophie by The Altogether), but! I like this one better.

They survived.

Klaus had no idea how, but they survived. The past couple days had been a blur - he and Dave were on the front lines one minute, shots flying overhead, some too close for them to have been misses, and yet they _were_ , and the next minute, they were retreating, Dave struggling to breathe as he clutched his arm, a gaping wound now there, still somehow managing to make it back to camp. Barely.

The medics had to amputate Dave’s arm, but they saved Dave, which Klaus was eternially grateful for. If Dave had died out there, he… Well, actually, Klaus didn’t know what he’d do. Go back, maybe? But after everything that had happened, the future, the looming apocalypse, his siblings constant bickering, all that didn’t seem like something he’d want to go back to. Yes, 2019 was where he was supposed to be, but he found his home - Dave.

It was a couple weeks later that the learned that they could go home. Klaus and Dave had, somehow, served their time in Vietnam. Dave was so happy, even though he had no intentions to go back to his parents or family. When Klaus asked why, Dave shrugged off the question, and said that he was happy that he could spend his life with Klaus. The look on Klaus’s face when he said that finalized his decision.

So they went home. Together.

They went to a small town in north Georgia, a place neither of them had been, and settled in there for the time being. There was a small town, a bunch of mountains, beauty for miles around, and deep enough backroads that set a deep enough fear in you that you knew not to go down them. It was perfect.

They found a cat - a very crabby old calico, whom Klaus named “Kowabunga! (Yes, With An Exclamation Point, _Dave,_ You’ve Gotta Say It With _Enthusiasm_ )”. Dave had found her in a ditch and brought her home, and he and Klaus nursed her back to health. When she was finally well enough to be held, Klaus immediately picked her up with a stupid grin on his face, which made Dave smile and Kowabunga! immediately start hissing and scratching, causing Klaus to just grin even more. Dave took the camera he found in the local general store and took a picture of them like that - Klaus grinning stupidly while he held a very blurry, very angry looking shape that sort of resembled a cat. It was their favorite photo.

They stayed there for a while, enjoying the country live, the only reason to go out being to get groceries or to talk with some neighbors. They started to heal, talking about the weird shit each of them have been through, even if Klaus had admittedly gone through a bit more. It was their third year when Klaus finally started revealing some of his truth.

“If I said I was from the future, would you believe me?”

Dave looked over at Klaus. They were sitting on their back porch, looking up at the stars. Klaus always looked up at them like he’d never seen anything more beautiful in his life. Or like there was something on the ground he never wanted to see again.

“Honey, I don’t believe half the bullshit that comes out of your mouth.”

Klaus snorted, looking over at Dave. He opened his mouth as if he was about to make a snappy comeback, but then closed it, looking pensive. Kowabunga! trotted out of the house, looking incredibly pissed about the fact that she wasn't being petted right then. Klaus reached down and obliged as he started talking again.

“No, I mean it. Would you believe me?” He and Kowabunga! both looked up at Dave, Klaus with a small smile and Kowabunga! with a small sneer.

Dave paused and thought. Was Klaus very weird? Yes. Almost 99% of the time. Did that necessarily mean he came from the future? No, but now that Dave thought about it, it did clear up a lot of things about him. Like how he appeared in the middle of the Vietnam war with nothing but a flash of blue light, a briefcase, and a bloody towel around his waist. Or how he used slang nobody ever heard before. Or how he knew the all words to a song that had come out yesterday. Or how he _appeared in the middle of the Vietnam war with nothing but a flash of blue light, a briefcase, and a bloody towel around his waist, like what the fuck._

“Yeah,” Dave said after a bit. “Yeah, I would believe you.”

Klaus sighed and did his big smile again. The one that Dave loved. Klaus reached over and took Dave’s hand, looking back up at the stars as Kowabunga! hissed at the lack of attention she was getting. _This is nice_ , thought Dave. _This is home._

And it was their home, for many years. They would banter back and forth, the two of them, Klaus would sing songs that he claimed weren’t going to be released until the 90’s, and that Dave would just have to wait and hear them because “while I know I do a mean Spice Girls impression, it’s _nothing_ like the real thing, trust me”, and Dave would just laugh along. Klaus would pick up Kowabunga! and swing her around the house as they danced, the cat having gotten more used to being held in her old age. Dave would collect little trinkets, interesting things he found in the local shops or weird things he found in the woods. He learned to cook too, he was a pro, even one-handed. He joined every local competition he could get his hand on, and after a few years, he started winning them, too. The local wives had their work cut out for them if they wanted to beat Dave in the Baptist Church’s annual Easter Cake Competition. Klaus and Dave were together. They were happy. They had fun.

And yes, sometimes it did get weird. Like the time Klaus looked up during dinner one night and started staring at the corner for a few minutes too long. When Dave went over and asked what was wrong, Klaus told him to make some food for the Thompsons next door. They brought it over the next day, a few hours before the news got out that John Thompson had died. Three days before the obituary notice.

Or the times Dave would wake up in the night screaming, because he still heard the war, he still _saw_ the war, and _dear god, Klaus, why won’t it just go away?_ And Klaus would hug him, talk to him soothingly, or, as it was with most times this happened, cry with him. They would cry together all through the night, and the next morning, Dave would bake some sweet pastry while Kowabunga! blocked his feet the entire time he was trying to bake, and Klaus would tell some probably bullshit story about the “Internet” or whatever weird future thing he thought of that day, and they would bask in each other’s presence, keeping each other sane. And some days, they would have their fights, as every couple does. But after a while, they fell into a routine, a nice, simple routine. Kowabunga! did, regretfully, grow old and die, and they mourned, but through it all, they had each other. And that’s what mattered.

In 1989, however, something snapped. Klaus became restless, moving more, locking himself in their room, talking to the empty air. He was still happy, he was still Klaus, but he seemed like he was _waiting_ for something. That something either being his worst nightmare or his dream come true. Dave knew something was up, but waited for Klaus to say something. Dave trusted him. And in early September, Klaus did say something.

“Let’s move!”

“What?” Dave looked up from the table where the newspaper lay and over at Klaus, who was leaning on a counter in their kitchen eating an apple. A green one. That Dave had been _hoping_ to make a pie with for Klaus’s birthday, but _no_. Dave smiled despite himself.

Klaus beamed, as if that was the exact answer he was hoping for, and hopped up from his position. “Let’s do it! We’ve been in this ‘countryside’ or whateveryoucallit for _waaay_ too long! I wanna shake things up a bit!” He bounced over to Dave, planting his hands right in the middle of his newspaper and leaned his face down far enough that it was the only thing Dave could see.

Dave looked down, hiding a smile, trying to lean around Klaus and continue to read his newspaper. “Shake things up how?”

Klaus put his head down on the table, completely blocking the paper now, and looked up at Dave with pleading eyes and a shit eating grin. “Let’s move to the city! It’ll be fun!”

“Hmm, maybe”

“Oh, come on! We could open a shop a shop or something, you could sell nick nacks or pastries or bread or some shit and I could, like, be a medium!”

Dave looked down at Klaus, who was now completely laying on the table, and raised his eyebrow skeptically. “A medium? Since when could you commune with the spirits of the dead?”

Klaus gasped in mock-surprise. “Since I was like _three_ , Dave!” When Dave said nothing, just kept his eyebrow up in suspicion, Klaus gasped in real-surprise and leaped up from the table.

“Did I never _tell you_ I see ghosts?!”

“Uhh, no. Never came up.”

“Yeah well no shit! I thought I told you!”

“Wait, are you _serious_?”

“ _Yes,_ I’m _serious, Dave_ , this is a big part of my life we’re talking about here!” Klaus had his hand back on his chest in mock surprise again, and while his smirk was still there, Dave could tell he was trying to figure out what to say.

Klaus suddenly turned to a blank spot on the wall, and addressed it, saying, “Didn’t I tell him I could see ghosts?” There was a pause. “Wait, seriously? And you never thought to tell me, huh?” His hands were on his hips now, still turned to the blank spot on the wall, and Dave had no idea what to do. He cleared his throat to get Klaus’s attention. Klaus turned, the smile still on his lips, his hands still on his hips, and what felt like a sassy comeback about to come out of his mouth.

“So about that shop, huh? What would we name it?”

“Oh! Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and I came up with: ‘OK & Dave’s Medium Knick Knacks’!”

Dave laughed, a real, hearty laugh, until he had tears in his eyes.

“What’s wrong with that name?” Klaus pouted.

Dave calmed down enough to talk, put his hand on Klaus’s shoulder and looked him directly in his eyes. “Klaus.”

“What?”

“That’s the _shittiest_ name for a store I’ve heard in my entire life.”

“No it’s not! You like it, I can tell!”

“ _Why_ OK? At least tell me that.”

“Because I’m Old Klaus!”

Dave fell into a fit of laughter again, and this time, he couldn’t stop.

“Hey!” Klaus started, trying to sound offended again, but he couldn’t really pull off the “offended” look when he was laughing, too. Once they finally calmed down, Dave pulled himself close to Klaus’s face and looked him directly in the eyes again.

“Klaus, honey.”

“What?”

“You’re not old!” Dave proceeded to fall into a fit of laughter again, because _Klaus_ , the scrawny, futuristic, ex-junkie medium that he loved, was many things, but _old_ was not one of them.

“A first grader would think I’m old!”

“That’s because they’re a first grader!”

And soon they were both laughing, tears in their eyes, lying on the floor about something that honestly wasn’t that funny. And later, after their sides stopped hurting, after Dave pulled Klaus in for a kiss, saying that it was “a great idea, honey, I swear” and “let’s make your dumbass shop in the city somewhere”, and after they had packed all their things up, and after Dave was _overwhelmed_ with pies and cakes and all sorts of foods from all the local housewives who would miss the competition Dave brought to the table, and after they drove off, countless boxes in the back of a van, Klaus humming an unfamiliar tune as he petted the empty air in front of him, they found a new home. A new home that was right above an empty shop, where they put up a sign that said “OK & DAVE’S MEDIUM KNICK KNACKS” in the dumbest font they could find. A new home that was about two blocks down from a large city mansion with an Umbrella logo on it.

They day after they moved in, Klaus checked the news. “Told you I was from the future”, he said, dropping the paper in front of Dave. The paper that talked about 43 babies born to about 43 women, all of whom weren’t pregnant when that day started.

“This doesn’t prove anything,” Dave shouted at Klaus’s retreating back.

“Oh yes it does!” he shouted back. “I’m one of them!”


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get a new cat, and kids come to the store for the first time. Dave is confused. Plus a bunch of italics. 
> 
> (also I changed the title of the fic, so if you first read this as "Found a Home" or whatever the original title was, know that it's this now! and that I probably won't change it again!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I just want to say thank you so much all the people who read this and liked it!! I posted it at the end of lunch today, and it's already gotten so much love, and thank you guys so much!! The next few chapter might take a bit, so I have no idea when they'll come out, but hopefully soon! I'm really excited about this now, and it seems like all y'all are too! Again, thank you so much!!

It took eight years for the first Umbrella Kids to show up. They found a new cat, a black and white spotted one. (“Can we name him  _ COW _ abunga!!?” “We named the last one Kowabunga!, Klaus.” “Yes, but that was with a K and one explanation point.” “Are you -  _ ok  _ yes you’re serious.”) They found more things to fill their store, picking up the weirdest things they found when they went on trips or got from other people. They still had a collection of things they had kept from the general store in their old town, but that pile was slowly dwindling. Sometimes, someone would come in, not looking for an antique plate or an old necklace. Instead, they’d be looking for Klaus and his “supposed” ability to speak to the dead, trying to talk to a loved one one last time. He’d take them to a back room, Cowabunga!! padding along behind him, put on a bit of a show, (“We’ve got to get money  _ somehow _ , Dave.” “First of all, we do have an  _ actual store _ , you know.”) and try and summon the person they wanted to talk to. Even though he was a bit rusty from lack of use, over the years, he got better. It helped that the ghosts usually died painless deaths. Quickly, Klaus and Dave’s store became pretty well known throughout the area for a place where you could get both you Grandma’s birthday present and exactly what your other Grandma meant with her will. 

That day, Dave was at the front, manning the register, as he usually did, and Klaus was in the store, browsing the wares, as he usually did when he didn’t have someone in the back. It was a slow day, so they spent time enjoying each other’s company. Over the years they had perfected their space, knowing exactly where to put things so that they’d catch a customer’s eye, and knowing exactly where to put everything else, as well. The picture Dave had taken years ago, with Klaus and Kowabunga! sat right next to the register, where he could see it every day. Next to it was a newer picture, Dave with a kitten Cowabunga!! on his shoulder. They both looked so calm, the complete opposite of their other cat picture. It was perfect. A picture of their unit from Vietnam, which had somehow ended up in the hands of Klaus for some “unknown reason” (Dave knew full well that Klaus stole it from a veteran’s bar, but he didn’t mind, he liked it), was hung near the door so their customers could see it every day. People couldn’t really see it when they walked right in, but if they looked to their left, in between the old teapots, they could. Sometimes customers would ask about it, and whoever was closest, Dave or Klaus, would always tell them about it with a strange mist in his eye. 

Today, however, three customers came in who didn’t notice the picture. They seemed more interested in everything else in the store. One, a shorter hispanic boy, walked in, looked around, and immediately walked over to their knife display. Another boy, a bit taller, with black hair and a determined look on his face, didn’t seem to be drawn to anything in particular. If anything, he seemed to be drawn to everything, taking it all in, even with the little amount of information he had about the pieces. The third one that came in was a shyer, yet equally young, boy. He looked over at his brothers, looking at what they were doing, then seemed to shrug and walked over to the corner with the old books in it. Cowabunga!! was sitting over there, snoozing in the windowsill, and the boy reached down to pet him.

The knife case was right next to the cash register, and Dave certainly did notice this boy who had made a beeline for it without even so much as a glance at the other wares. 

“Six!” The boy whisper-yelled. “Six c-come over here! Look at th- th- th-” The boy paused, thinking, but still looked very excited about the knives. “Look at this! I- isn’t it cool?”

The shy boy by the books looked up from Cowabunga!! and sighed. “What, Two?”

Klaus, from his corner of the shop, heard their conversation and stopped.  _ Could it be? _ He stopped and thought.  _ Well, yes, based on the circumstances it probably is _ . He headed back towards the front of the store. There, he saw Diego and Ben, now both leaning over the knife case, Cowabunga!! sitting calmly behind the two, and Dave looking equal parts worried and intrigued by their conversation. Dave looked up and caught Klaus’s eye.

_ I don’t know what the  _ fuck _ is going on, please explain, _ his eyes seemed to say.

Klaus just smirked at him and get closer to the conversation. 

“A- and  _ oh my god _ look at th- th-that one! It’s handle is so so cool! I- I wish I had a knife like that!” Diego was saying. 

“Yeah, well, Dad would never let you get it. He only lets you get throwing knives, that’s what you’re good at.”

“Good at, shmood at, I- I’ll get that knife if I want to!”

At this, Dave spoke up. “Uhh, You have to have an adult with you if you want to buy a knife, kiddo.”

Diego and Ben looked up at him for a second, as if they had forgotten he was there. They then completely ignored him, turning back to their conversation about the knives, and on the new topic of the best way to steal them. Klaus smirked.  _ Glad to see nothing’s changed _ . He stood there for a minute, looking at his brothers, his brothers that he hadn’t seen in so  _ goddamn _ long, as they bantered about knives and weapons and topics that weren’t normal to other eight-year-olds, but were normal to them. Normal to him. Then someone tapped his shoulder.

“Sorry to bother you sir, but I was wondering about this little violin carving? I think my sister would like it, but I, personally, would feel better if I knew who made it.” Klaus turned around and there was  _ Five _ . It was Five, and, yes, he was a bit younger than when Klaus last saw him, he hadn’t gone through puberty yet, and he had no “I’m technically in my late-50’s but in a thirteen-year-old’s body, and I’m fucking  _ pissed _ at the world right now” lines on his face, but it was  _ him _ . This was the closest he’d been to one of his siblings in  _ years _ , and Klaus was trying his best not to freak out. 

“Sir? Are you ok?” And  _ god,  _ that was Five. His sarcastic tone, his cynical face, his “I swear I’m not judging you I’m just closely analyzing you like you’re a lab rat” look in his eyes, and his body language that told him that he was 110% done with Klaus’s shit. He was  _ terrifying _ , even as an eight-year-old, and Klaus had missed him  _ so much _ .

“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine, I just dazed out for a second, you know how it is,” Klaus said, trying to gather his thoughts together.

“Of course you did, old man.” Five sneered, but Klaus knew it was in good nature. Five just had a weird sense of humor when it came to social situations. 

“You wanted to learn about the violin, right?” Five nodded. “HEY DAVE!” Klaus shouted over his shoulder. Diego and Ben looked up from their conversation, seeing as they were about three feet from Klaus, and Dave just smiled. 

“Yeah, O.K.?” 

“Do you know who made this violin figurine?” Klaus held his hand out for Five to put the violin in his hand, which Five did surprisingly easily, and held it up.

Dave leaned closer and squinted to try and see it better. “Uhh… I think that was Josie back in town. Sold it at her yard sale back in ‘76.” He smiled, remembering, and turned back to Five. “She was real nice, took up carving in her free time after her children grew up.” 

Five jumped up and grabbed the violin figurine back from Klaus and looked down at it. He seemed satisfied with Dave’s explanation, nodding to himself. “How much for it?”

Before Dave could open his mouth, Klaus spoke up. “It’s free! I like you kids, you should treat yourselves for once.”

“You’ll run your business into the ground, old man.” Five squinted.

Klaus laughed. “That’s the point, Five! And you can call me O.K.,  _ young man _ .”

Diego, who had been listening into their conversation with Ben, turned around quickly in surprise. “How do kn… How do you know his name?”

Klaus smirked, turning to Diego. He tapped his nose, turning his hand so it showed part of his old “GOODBYE” tattoo. “A magician never reveals his secrets.” He winked, but he was suddenly aware of his umbrella tattoo, which was on full display for both Ben and Diego to see. He knew he was going to be more careful if he wanted his family to come over more often, but it was safe one time, right? He put his hand down before Diego noticed, but Ben’s eyes were drawn towards towards it. Klaus knew he saw, he just hoped he didn’t remember it. Future Five was pissed at both Klaus and the timeline enough, he didn’t want to be yelled at more than was needed by combining those more than he already has. Even though he probably fucked up enough shit just by being there. But ah well!

Five continued to glare suspiciously at Klaus, pocketing the small violin. After several second of his steeling glare, he continued to walk through the store. Klaus followed him, telling the stories behind some of the objects Five would pick up. Klaus felt… weird, to say the least. He knew he wasn’t supposed to change the timeline anymore than he already had, but looking at his brothers, he wanted to make things better. He wanted to get them out of that hell hole of the Umbrella Academy, take them back here and raise them.

He shook his head.  _ Nope. No. Fuck knows what’ll happen if I do that. Reginald would sue me or something, Five would come back from the real timeline and yell at me, those freaky assassin people might come - nope, no, can’t risk it.  _ He looked back at Ben and Diego, who were now talking to Dave about Cowabunga!!, the cat in Ben’s arms as Diego scratched his head.  _ But I have to do something, right? _ They looked so innocent, not having gotten to the worst of their training yet, not having seen someone die yet, not having seen someone die  _ by their own hand _ yet. Not having countless ghosts follow them all around. They almost looked like normal children, if you ignored their weird uniforms and the fact that they referred to each other by numbers.  _ I  _ can _ do something,  _ Klaus thought.  _ I have to. _

Suddenly, a stern voice rang out from the doorway. “Two! Five! Six! It is time to go back to the Academy!” All three boys immediately stopped what they were doing and turned towards the voice, including Klaus. There, looking exactly like Klaus remembered him, ( _ Jeez, does that guy ever age? _ ) was Reginald Hargreeves. He was followed by four other children, three nervously hiding behind him, while the fourth, a tall blonde boy, stood upright by Reginald’s side. 

And now Klaus felt like this whole thing was  _ surreal _ . Because that was Luther! Not looking like he was on 15 different steroids at once! Still nervous about fulfilling his role as Number One! And two of those things hadn’t been true in years, at least from Klaus’s point of view. Klaus looked back at the other kids behind Reginald, looking at Allison and Vanya for a bit ( _ they were so  _ small _ , what happened to them? To us? _ ), until finally looking at the scrawny boy in the back. 

That was  _ him _ .  _ That was him and he knew time travel was weird but this was full-on batshit at this point, like what.  _ He looked at the boy, Number Four,  _ himself _ , and just stared. Was he really that scrawny? He looked so scared, so tired. Then Young Klaus looked up and smiled.

“Number Six!” Young Klaus waved at Ben excitedly, all traces of his previous fear gone. Ben smiled, carefully put Cowabunga!! down, and ran over to him, already talking a mile a minute about the shop. Young Klaus looked around the store in awe, smiling when he saw Cowabunga!!, nodding along as Ben continued to speak.

Diego and Five, meanwhile, had slowly returned to the group, talking softly to themselves about the place. When they finally got back, Five went over to Vanya, handing her the violin figurine. He said something to her, and she smiled, a big, genuine smile. Klaus hadn’t seen one like it on her in years, even before he time-traveled.

“Get in your line, children, and  _ please _ , walk civilly this time,” Reginald commanded, and the kids looked up at him, disappointment clear on their faces about not being able to stand next to the ones they wanted, before getting in a straight line in numerical order. As they left, Klaus heard Reginald say, “This is the last field trip we are taking in a very long time, so keep that in mind.  _ Also  _ keep in mind that you were never allowed to go off on your own, so Two, as I assume you are respo-”. The rest of cut off by the door slamming in their wake.

“Klaus?” Dave started, staring through the front window, watching as the strange parade walked off. “What the fuck was that?”

Klaus walked over to the window, letting himself see them as they kept walking back to the Academy, not answering until he saw them all go in. Young Klaus turned around at last second, trying to catch one last glimpse, still amazed by the store. 

“My siblings. And me, I was the scrawny kid in the back.” He turned back towards Dave, who was clearly dumbfounded by the strange events that had just happened, not really processing what Klaus was saying. “Also my dickhead father, he was the one yelling.”

“ _ That _ was your father?”

“Yeah. As I said, he was a dickhead! Or is, depending on how you see it...”

“‘Dickhead’ is a bit of an understatement, I think,” Dave said, focusing on Klaus again. “Those kids didn’t even have names!”

“Hey! We got them eventually!”

“ _ Eventually?! _ What the  _ fuck _ Klaus, why do you never tell me anything about yourself?”

“I forget!”

Dave just stared at him, still shocked. 

“Oh, just  _ wait _ until we become superheros again! It’ll be a couple years, though, so just be patient.”

“Until you  _ what _ ?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is probably going to span a couple of years, get ready for that. Also don't ask me what the plot is, I'm still trying to figure that out, but you'll see eventually! We'll both see! (I'll probably more surprised by whatever happens than you will be, tbh)


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids come to the shop. All of them. Many times.  
> Klaus and Dave realize that they can do something, so they try their best to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM!!!! Oh my goodness!!! Y'all are!!! soo nice!!!! This fic has gotten so much attention, and I'm so glad you all love it so much!!!! I'm loving it too, and I hope you like what I have in store for this chapter!  
> Also: There's some more angst in this one than there was in previous chapters, so like,, keep that in mind.  
> Also Also!! shoutout to @spikedpoppies who said that it would be cute if the kids just gave Dave arms that they built for fun!! Bc I agreed!! And I put that in this chapter! And I hope you like it!!  
> Also I'm pretty sure this chapter is, like, as long as the last two chapters combined, so there's that? I wrote most of it in one sitting just now, so there's that, too? Enjoy!

The kids came back. Of course they did.

First it was Five, teleporting into the store around midnight that night; he was there to steal the knife Diego wanted. Klaus stayed up waiting for him, knowing that he would probably come back. He tried to get Dave to stay up with him, but Dave, ever the old man, fell asleep an hour or so ago in his spot. 

In a flash of blue light, Five appeared, looking around quickly and running over to the knife case. Klaus and Dave, hiding on the stairs in the shadows, weren’t noticed in his hastiness.

Klaus shoke Dave shoulder. “Dave!” he whispered, trying to wake him up.

Dave started, looking around in confusion. His eyes finally settled on Five, who was now looking behind the counter for the key to the knife case. He paused for a second, looking at the pictures of Dave, Klaus, and their cats, before shaking his head and moving on. “Isn’t that the kid from earlier? How’d he get in here?”

“First of all, sweetie, that’s my brother, at least be a little nice, he’s family. Second of all, he teleported-”

“You’re kidding, right?” Dave looked over at Klaus, skepticism etched throughout his face.

“What? I mean, I can talk to the dead, were you not expecting my family to do weird shit, too? Besides, I already told you we’d be superheros in a couple of years.”

“I didn’t believe you.”

“Well believe me now!”

They looked back over to Five, who had given up on trying to find the key, and was now standing over the case, looking at the knife with an intense look on his face. After staring at it for about two minutes, Klaus and Dave sitting in their corner in complete silence, there was a flash of blue light under the knife and it appeared in Five’s hand. He twirled the knife, a satisfied smirk resting on his face.

“WHAT THE  _ FU- _ ” Klaus slapped his hand over Dave’s mouth before he could finish. He looked over at Five, worried, but Five was too caught up in the euphoria of getting the knife to notice what had happened. If he was older, Klaus knew for sure, Five definitely would have noticed. If he was even older, he might have even tried to kill them. But Five wasn’t older, and nothing happened.

Klaus slowly removed his hand from Dave’s mouth. “You’re going to have to be quieter than that if you don’t want to startle him, honey,” he whispered.

Dave was still shocked, but managed a soft chuckle as he kept looking at Five. “I guess you weren’t kidding about the teleportation, then.” 

“Nope! And look-”

Five looked around hastily again, not looking at Dave and Klaus, then stepped forward. He disappeared in another flash of blue light, finishing the step back in the safety of his room. Dave stared at the spot where Five disappeared in disbelief, while Klaus looked at it fondly.

“And you say that  _ all _ your siblings are like that?” Dave turned back to Klaus.

“Well, yeah! I mean, we all have different powers, and Vanya’s not… she’s normal, but yeah. We’re all fucked up.”

“You’re going to have to elaborate on that, honey.”

So Klaus did. Or at the very least, he tried to. They stayed up all night, Klaus talking about his messed up childhood while Dave sat and listened, sometimes interjecting to ask questions. 

Klaus told him about Luther and his super strength, his inflated ego, and how he was always the one to choose dad’s side, even if he knew that it wasn’t the right choice. He told him about Diego and his knives, how he was the one doing the most work on every mission, trying and failing to dethrone Luther from his spot as Number One. He talked about Allison, how she always seemed like she was the least fazed by everything that happened to them, but still wasn’t anywhere close to normal. He talked about himself for a bit, about his underdeveloped, hellish power, and briefly about how he used his addiction to get the ghosts to leave. He tried his best to laugh off the worst of what happened to him, avoiding Dave’s worried gaze. He quickly moved on to Five, talking mainly about how he left when they were thirteen, being the start of the destruction of everything that held them all together. When Klaus got to Ben, he slowed down. Ben was the one Klaus was closest to when he was younger, both feeling like they got the worse end of the power stick. When Ben died, he fell apart, along with the rest of what could barely be considered his family at that point. 

At this point, Dave had his arm around Klaus, who was crying softly. It was four in the morning, they were both sleep deprived, and Klaus felt more exhausted than he had in a long while. Remembering everything that had happened to him wore him out. Dave softly suggested that they go to bed, but Klaus stayed put. He was already talking, so he may as well talk about everything else, too.

He moved onto Vanya, with no power, completely normal in a house full of superheros. Everyone had somebody they could hold on to, even if it was just being together on a mission, but she had nobody. Just her music. “Sweet, sweet Vanya,” he said. “She never should have gotten stuck with us.” Klaus sighed. He talked about the training they went through, how Reginald would push them until they broke. He avoided talking about the mausoleum, however. Some things were a bit  _ too _ heavy to tell your pseudo-husband at five am. 

By the time he got to the missions, Klaus was nearly asleep. 

“Sweetheart?” Dave asked.

“Hmm?”

“I think we should sleep now. Sun’s up.”

“Whatever you say, darling,” Klaus mumbled, wearily smiling up at him. Dave heafted him up with his arm and awkwardly put Klaus on his shoulders (just because he was  _ old _ didn’t mean he wasn’t  _ strong _ , and the war did give him something else besides nightmares. Besides, Klaus was light) and carried him to bed. Once they were both there, Dave paused, looking back over at Klaus.

“We have to do something about those kids, O.K.”

“Hmm…”

“We’ve got to help them. Even if we can’t be the ones raising them, we’ve got to take care of them.”

“Good luck with that, sweetheart.”

Dave sighed, planting a kiss on Klaus’s forehead and laying back down. “Well, we’ll figure it out. They need our help.  _ You  _ need our help.”

 

The next ones to come were Diego, Ben, a reluctant Allison, and Young Klaus. It was a late afternoon a couple months after Five came; they had presumably snuck out when Reginald locked himself in his office, like he always did. By that time, Klaus had started tying a ribbon around his wrist to hide his umbrella tattoo, in an attempt to be more careful about his identity. Not that he was very opaque about it in the first place. 

Young Klaus looked around the shop again, still as amazed as he was the first time. He jumped when he noticed the others were already starting to walk around the shop, running to catch up to them. He ran into Allison, who was starting to warm up to the shop, looking at some of the paintings. 

“Oh! Sorry, Three!”

She started, looking at Klaus. “It’s fine, don’t worry.” She smiled. “Did you look at those paintings? I think Mom would like them, don’t you?”

They continued to move throughout the store together, Cowabunga!! making his way over to Ben and jumping into his arms. Dave and Old Klaus watched them from behind the counter, Dave trying to connect the kids he saw with the stories Klaus told him months before, until Diego looked over at them and noticed them staring.

“Hey! I remember you guys from last time!” He paused, smiling to himself, then his face shifted to confusion. “Why are you w-w-watching us?”

The other children looked up from the marbles they were admiring, Cowabunga!! jumping out of Ben’s arms and trotting back over to Dave. 

Dave froze, barely noticing as Cowabunga!! jumped onto the counter, his tail getting into his face. Young Klaus chuckled.

“You guys just remind me of some people I knew a while back, that’s all.” Klaus leaned over the counter, smiling. “You, especially,” he said, pointing at Young Klaus, “Remind me of myself when I was your age.”

“Bullshit! You were never my age!” Young Klaus had a childish smirk on his face, leading the other kids over to the counter. 

His shout was enough to bring Dave back to the present. “Hey! Wait, you can’t say tha-”

“Shh, Dave, let him live.” Klaus playfully swatted his hand at Dave, successfully interrupting him and hitting his face. He held out his hand for his younger self to shake, the “HELLO” clearly visible. “I’m O.K., and this is almost-but-not-quite-because-it’s-not-really-legal-yet husband, Dave.” 

Young Klaus shook his hand with a big smile. Diego stepped forward, picking Cowabunga!! back up and taking control of the group. “I’m T-Two, these are two of my brothers, Four and Six,” he gestured to each of them in turn, “And one of m-my sisters, Three.”

Before Dave could even try to respond, O.K. was already halfway through his next sentence. “So I’ve heard! Y’all were adopted by that jackass Hargreeves, right?”

“He’s not a jackass!” exclaimed Allison at the same time that Ben glared suspiciously and said quietly, “How do you know?”

O.K. laughed, tried to take Dave’s hand, suddenly remembered that he was on the wrong side to do that, and ended up just putting his arm around his waist instead. “Oh, kid, you’ll see eventually. Both of you.” He winked. “Anyways, Dave here hasn’t gotten the chance to meet One and Seven yet, you should bring them around some time! It’d be great to see them.”

Diego made a face while the other three nodded excitedly. “That sounds fun!” exclaimed Klaus, bouncing on his toes. 

“Well then! Can’t wait to see y’all again!”

When they were leaving the shop, Dave suddenly remembered that he should say something before they left. “Wait!” They all turned back to him. “Just… Take care of yourselves, alright? And I know you don’t know us that well yet, but… Talk to us if you need to? Ok?” The children looked at each other, shrugged, then continued out the door.

“We’ll keep that in mind, Dave!” shouted Klaus, the last to leave, as the door closed behind them. Dave sighed.

“This is going to be difficult, isn’t it?”

“Honey, everything involving my family is ‘difficult’, you get used to it.”

~~~

Over time, the kids kept coming back. They never appeared all together for the first few years, though. Instead, they were always in small groups or by themselves. Allison somehow convinced Luther to go, but he was always dragging his feet when he came in. He especially did this if he was with the others, saying things like “Dad wouldn’t like it if we get caught sneaking out” and “I don’t want to get in trouble with Dad, if he finds us we’re  _ dead _ ” and “Those earrings are  _ hideous _ , Four, get them away from your ears  _ right now _ or I’m gonna have nightmares about your ugly face again”. They’d also get Vanya to come with them, trying to do “normal things” with her. She’d always look so happy when she was there, tending to stay by herself, Cowabunga!! resting calmly in her arms. She was the first to notice the Vietnam pictures. When she first saw, she looked over at Dave, who was behind the register, laughing at something another customer had said. She never said anything about them, but started looking at O.K. and Dave with more respect (that later turned into suspicion as she and her siblings aged). 

Sometimes, they’d appear with doughnuts in their hands, still laughing about some joke one of them had made, slightly winded after coming straight over to there from Griddy’s. Klaus would smile, knowing that they had started to find his place as somewhere they could be together in safety. A place they felt that they could exist in peace. 

One time, Five, Ben, and Vanya walked in together, Five holding a package awkwardly wrapped in newspaper behind his back. They presented it to Dave, who was surprised that the kids thought of him with, well, with  _ anything _ .

“We, uh, we made this for you. In our free time,” Ben said, and Vanya and Five nodded. 

“It looked like you needed it.” Five smiled his wide smile of his, and Vanya elbowed him, shaking her head. Dave took the newspaper off and stared in wonder at their gift.

It was an  _ arm _ . Not a human arm, no, but a robotic prosthetic one, one that looked masterfully made. He looked back at the three of them in shock. “You  _ made  _ this?”

“Yep! We have a lot of free time.” Five was still smiling, and Dave wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not at this point. 

“Our mom and butler helped,” said Vanya, and Dave nodded. Based on what Klaus had said about their Mom and butler, that explained a lot.  _ But still _ . They made a  _ whole-ass arm _ . They were  _ nine _ .

Dave put the arm over where his real one used to be. It fit  _ perfectly _ . “How-?” Then he moved his hand.  _ He moved his hand _ . He looked down in amazement at the prosthetic, flexing both of his hands in unison. “Wha-  _ thank you,  _ oh my _ god _ .”

The three children smiled. “You’re welcome,” Five said, happiness and pride laced throughout his voice. He turned on his heel and walked away, Ben and Vanya following him after they said their goodbyes. Dave was still in shock, but at his point, when wasn’t he after seeing some of the Hargreeves siblings?

They made him a new one every year, each time with new features and their own customizations. He was just as surprised and happy each time. (And if he kept each one on display in the store, with a special “NOT FOR SALE” sign on their case, like a proud father putting his kids’ art on the fridge, well, that was his business.)

Sometimes the kids would appear in the middle of the night, alone, but not there to steal anything like Five was the first time. They were there to take Dave up on his offer, when he said that he and O.K. would be there for them. It would be after a particularly hard day of training, especially individual work. Ben was the first one to come, knocking on their front door in the middle of the night. Dave came down, opened the door, and was met with a nine-year-old Ben running into his arm, already starting to cry again. 

“I’ve done it before, but-” he sniffled. “Dad found a stray cat, and - and -”

Dave shushed him again soothingly, patting the back of his head. “It’s over now, buddy, there’s nothing you could have done.”

“I  _ know _ , but- it just looked  _ so much _ like Cowabunga!!, Mr. Dave, and then The Horror was out, and he was  _ gone _ , Mr. Dave, and there was so much blood and it looked like  _ Cowabunga!! _ and - and what if I hurt  _ you _ ? Or O.K.? Or Four? Or-” Ben broke off again, sobbing softly into Dave shirt. 

Dave, well, he wasn’t sure what to do, that was for sure. He hadn’t been around kids much in the first place, much less sobbing ones,  _ much _ less ones that were sobbing because they were superpowered. O.K. came down the stairs, wearily looking around before spotting Dave and Ben. 

“Oh, Ben,” he whispered, walking over to the pair. He wrapped the both of them in a hug, and they sat there like that for a while, trying their best to be a safe place for Ben. Eventually, Cowabunga!!, the real Cowabunga!!, not some stray cat Ben was forced to kill, trotted over to them, meowing loudly to alert Dave and Klaus that “Hey! I’m lonely now! Please come back and/or feed me!” 

Dave laughed softly and sat up from where he was on the floor. “Hey, Be- uhh, Six. Look who’s here.” 

Ben looked up, gasping softly. Cowabunga!! ran over to him, hopping into his lap as he hugged him. “Cowabunga!!!” He laughed, rubbing his face into his fur. “I’m so sorry, Cowy, I’m so, so sorry…” He hugged Cowgunga!! tighter, crying softly.

Dave looked over at Klaus who was looking at Ben sadly. “Your Dad’s fucked up”

Klaus smirked. “Thought I already told you that.”

Eventually, every kid showed up in their shop at midnight at some point, showing varying degrees of emotion about training that went wrong. Even Luther, ever the stubborn one, showed up, trying to keep his unemotional facade as he talked about how “Number Two got to lead the training this week” and “Wasn’t  _ I _ Number One? Did something happen? Did I do something  _ wrong _ ?” Once, Vanya showed up, dragging an averse Five behind her, insisting that “ _ No _ , he’s  _ not alright _ , and he needs to  _ talk to someone _ about it - That isn’t  _ me _ , Five!” The strangest one, (for Klaus, that is) happened when Dave was away to find some more things for their shop. Young Klaus showed up on his doorstep, shaking and sobbing and he looked  _ so scared _ . O.K. knew what was going on; he had spent the day locked up in his room, the memories of the mausoleum coming back. He died knowing that it was happening  _ right then _ , and that his young self would be so  _ scared _ , because this was his first time trapped in there. He held onto his young self as tight as he could. Gave him the encouragement he never got the first time around. 

Klaus still didn’t tell Dave about it when he came back. He was starting to think he’d never tell Dave about the mausoleum.  

And it was much later when Young Klaus remembered that night, and how O.K. comforted him. Almost as if he  _ knew _ . As if he knew more than your average gay pseudo-caretaker who owns a Medium service. Who owns a  _ Medium service, wait a minute- _

But that was much later. Years later.

The first time they all came together was on their eleventh birthday. They apparently had the whole day off - Mom had insisted. They all came rushing in at once, scaring off the one other customer they had that Sunday afternoon. They looked more childish than they had in years. Even Luther looked like he could be a normal kid for once. Dave and O.K. were standing behind the counter, and Klaus somehow looked even more excited than the kids did.

“WE GOT NAMES!” Young Klaus exclaimed once they got to the couple, using the counter as leverage as he jumped up onto the knife case. He knocked one of the pictures behind the counter over, then quickly picked it up and held onto it, not taking the time to look at it. 

“Took ya long enough!” O.K. said, clapping his younger self on his shoulder as Dave laughed. The kids all nodded, still jumping around excitedly, big smiles on their faces.

“Well?” asked Dave. “What are they?”

They all started talking at once, excitedly speaking over each other as an attempt to get their attention.

“Woah, woah!” Dave laughed. “One at a time, please!”

They all quieted down, Luther speaking up again first. “I’m Luther. Mom said it means ‘People’s Army’ or something. It’s cool, don’t you think?”

“ _ My _ dictionary said it means ‘Lute Player’,” teased Klaus from his spot on the counter.

“Oh, shut up,  _ Klaus _ !” 

Dave and Old Klaus shared a look, then turned back to the kids as they each said their names in turn.

“I didn’t want a name,” said Five when it got to his turn.

“Ok. May I ask why?” Dave asked.

“None of them were any good, honestly. Besides, if I keep using my number, that means Dad will call me by my real name. And I doubt he’s going to do that for anyone else.”

All the kids got quiet, suddenly realizing that Five was right. Even though they’d have their real names they would use between each other and with the real world, back home they’d still be their numbers. Which definitely sucked. 

Young Klaus looked down at the picture in his hands, which was the one with Old Klaus and Kowabunga!. He smiled, thinking that O.K. looked kinda familiar in it, but focusing on the blur that was his old cat. He clapped his hands, disturbing the silence. “Well, its Ben’s turn now! Ben, go on, tell our great gay uncles what your name is!” 

“You just  _ told _ them what my name is, Klaus.” He was smiling again, and both Old Klaus and Young Klaus took that as a win.

They stayed at the shop the rest of the day, only going out to get doughnuts from Griddy’s and coming right back. They browsed the store, cracked some jokes, hung out, and generally had a good time. It was honestly the best birthday any of them ever had. 

They came around all together more often after that, sometimes just there for a good time, other times, for more serious issues. Those times they rarely talked to Dave or O.K.. They would stand in the back corner with the books, Cowabunga!! weaving in between their legs. Dave would look over to them and think they looked much older than they were supposed to be. No, he  _ knew _ they were much older than they were supposed to be, they were being forced to grow up so fast, and Dave hated that he couldn’t do more than he already was.

A couple months after their twelfth birthday was the first time they all came together at night, looking for comfort. (And it certainly wasn’t the last.) They knew to come to the back door now, and Five teleported into the shop to let the others in. They stood there for a bit, soaking in the familiarity of the shop, trying to outweigh the physical pain they all felt on their hands. (Except Vanya. She was just there to support her siblings, even though they seemed like they wanted her around less and less now.) Upstairs, Klaus heard the seven of them in the shop and sighed, knowing exactly what was going on.

“Dave,” he said, shaking him. “Dave, c’mon, you’ve got kids who just got their first tattoo against their will downstairs, you’ve gotta make hot chocolate.”

Dave groaned and sat up, looking over at Klaus. He was now out of bed, taking the ribbon he tied around his tattoo and wrapping it tighter than he normally did, as if to make sure it didn’t slip. 

By the time Dave made it downstairs with his nine mugs of hot cocoa, Klaus was already down there, talking to the group. They weren’t really crying, most of the pain had worn off at that point, but they were still in shock. Cowabunga!! was there, too, snoozing comfortably in Ben’s lap. He was petting him with his right hand, looking down at his left wrist where his new tattoo was. His brow was furrowed, as if trying to remember something, and looked over at O.K. and his ribboned wrist periodically.

Dave passed the mugs out, catching a glimpse of their tattoos whenever he handed one.  _ Ok, Reginald Hargreeves is a new kind of bastard if he thinks that giving tattoos to twelve-year-olds is a good idea,  _ he thought.  _ Especially identical ones. What does he think they are? Cattle? _

“It’s like he branded us,” said Allison, mirroring Dave’s thoughts perfectly. 

“Hey! He’s not  _ that _ bad! I doubt he meant it like that!” defended Luther.

Diego put his mug down on the floor harshly. He seemed the most phased by the tattoos, having been staring off into the distance the whole time they were at the shop. “Wha- wel- well, what did he, what  _ did _ he mean by it, huh? Y- you heard him, he wanted us to be i- i - i-.” He paused and took a breath, as if gathering his thoughts. When he started again, he spoke slower, if still stilted. “He wanted us  _ identifiable to the public _ . Tha- that sounds like branding to me!”

Luther leaned forward in his seat, looking like he was ready to deck him, while the rest of the siblings looked tired, like they had already seen this happen a million times. 

“Hey, woah!” Dave reached forward and sat Luther back down, then reached over and put his hand on Diego’s shoulder, keeping them apart. “Let’s not fight in here ok? New rule for the shop - if you’re here, you can’t fight each other. I don’t care what’s going on between you two, but try and keep it to a minimum, got it?”

The brothers glared at each other before looking up at Dave. Dave looked back at them. After a minute, they relented and nodded their heads.

“Good! Now let’s finish our hot chocolate and at least  _ try _ to talk about something that must have been  _ incredibly traumatizing _ , sound good?”

The siblings looked down, looking like they’d much rather do anything else besides talking about getting the tattoos. 

“Ya know, talking does help. I may be a hypocrite when it comes to this, but when I do talk things out,  _ it helps _ ,” O.K. said after a beat. The children still looked down.

After a couple minutes of silence, Five looked up. “Alright.”

Everyone looked at him in shock, especially Vanya. Five  _ never _ talked about his emotions, especially in front of his siblings. That was enough to get the ball rolling. Soon enough, they were all talking. After a while, all thoughts of the tattoos were gone from their minds, all that remained was the dull throbbing on their wrists.

It ended up being almost like a group therapy session, letting all of them get their emotions and frustrations out. Klaus smiled; he remembered sitting through things like this, and yeah, they didn’t always help, but sitting through one with his siblings  _ did _ . They properly communicated for the first time in months, and even Vanya got to say some things. After a couple more rounds of hot chocolate, and eventually a round of spaghetti, the kids seemed to get back into the groove of things. They were used to each other again, and were more of a team than they ever could have been with Reginald’s training alone. Eventually, though, Luther looked at his watch and jumped into the air, scaring everyone in the circle they had formed. 

“Shit, guys! We’ve got to go, we’re supposed to be awake in, like, thirty minutes!”

The other kids’ eyes widened, and they all rushed around, picking themselves up and practically sprinting towards the door. In under a minute, all of them were out of the shop, barrelling towards the Academy.

“Well, that was nice.” Dave hummed, still sitting on the floor, surrounded by mugs and pasta plates. 

Klaus was already up, looking out the window at the Academy like he was the first day he saw his siblings again. This time, however, instead of entering through the front door, they went around the side of the building, scaling the wall to one of their bedroom windows, which was opened. “Yeah,” he said with a small smile. “It was great.”

He turned back around to Dave, who was trying to get up and pick up as many dishes as he could without falling or dropping them. “I think we’re helping. I think that maybe, this time will be better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, I have no idea when the next chapter will be out! If it's anything like the last few chapters, maybe n a couple of day? Who knows? Not me? I hope I can get it out soon - I have spring break the next week, so that means I have more time to write! Or think about about writing! Whichever comes first!  
> And yet again, I still have no idea where this story's going, and only a vague idea of the outline for next chapter! The story's already shifted so much from what I originally had in mind, mainly because everyone in the comments was yelling at me to make Dave and Klaus take care of the children. And now they are. Or they're trying to. We're all trying our best here.  
> Also, random note: When I looked up the meaning of Luther, one of the definitions was "Lute Player" and I found that to be really funny so I put it in the story and I'm not sorry


	4. A note (you don't have to read it if you started this after I posted this chapter but also if you started this earlier please read it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A note! About things! (Don't worry I'm not going on hiatus, I just haven't started writing the next chapter yet because I'm lazy, but I'll start it after I write this)

Hi! It's me! The author! This isn't a part of the story! I swear the next chapter is coming soon, just give me a bit!

What I wanted to say, though, was that I edited the last two chapters! Because people were like "wait wouldn't the kids notice things after a while?" and I realized that y'all were  _right_ , so. There's more plot now! And if you go back and read the last chapter you'll notice that the kids will notice things! Which I'll try to incorporate into actual plot and not forget like I did the last few times I wrote chapters! I also added Diego's stutter because I realized I didn't put his stutter in the night after I posted the last chapter and it's been bugging me  _ever since_ , so even if you didn't mind that Diego didn't have a stutter, he does now! For my own piece of mind! 

However, if you're too lazy to go back to the last chapter and read what I added (because that's the chapter I added stuff onto), that is perfectly understandable, so here's a summary of what I added (every thing else is the same, I'm just trying to incorporate these things into plot now):

  1. When Five teleported into the shop getting the knife for Diego, ho saw the pictures of Dave and Klaus with the cats, moved on quickly but didn't really forget
  2. We already know that Ben saw the tattoo, but he did remember, even though it's slightly, and is more suspicious, especially during that last scene where they got their tattoos.
  3. Vanya saw the Vietnam pictures, gains respect for O.K. and Dave, but remembers the pictures as the UA grows up and it's said that she'll grow more suspicious of them as time goes on
  4. It's said that  _years_ after O.K. comforts young Klaus after the first Mausoleum, Younger Klaus  _really thinks_ about that O.K. said and goes  _wait a fucking minute_ , but that's years down the line
  5. When they get their names, Young Klaus sees the pictures of the cats behind the counters, thinks "Wow O.K. looks kinda familiar, huh." then promptly moves on
  6. That's it yeah, I'm pretty sure (I wrote them down but I might have forgotten something, like I always do)



I hope that works? And I hope that I'll be able to add this stuff into an actual plot. Anyways, see y'all next chapter! (Which is coming soon, I swear, I'll start writing it now)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and for people wondering about how the timeline works in this: I'm going with the time travel theory that Once you travel back in time, you are creating a new, alternate timeline that you're now stuck in. Like Back To The Future. It seems to be the theory that Umbrella Academy is using for the show, and it works out the best with this story (it's also my personal favorite time travel theory). In other words, when Klaus went back to Vietnam, he created a new timeline where he was in Vietnam, and also where he stayed and subsequently helped his siblings out with their shit. It is a different timeline than what happened the first time around (when he grew up, which is what canonically happens in their childhood in the show), and different things will happen. I hope that clears things up, and if you have any more questions, then ask them in the comments and I'll try to answer them the best I can!


	5. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The missions start, and things happen. O.K. and Five learn more bout the future than either of them were probably comfortable with. Something along the lines of a plot could be happening. Who knows? (not me) Read to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Ah, yes, I'll start writing this chapter right away and it should be up in a couple of days  
> Me, binging Polygon videos in anticipation for BDG's Live Perfect PokeRap, which included all 800 something Pokemon; watching Buzzfeed Unsolved; browsing Tumblr; and various other activities that definitely were NOT writing this chapter: haha whoops
> 
> Anyways, I wrote 99% of this chapter in one sitting last night, edited it just now (actually right after I wrote this note), and now its here! I'm sorry for the wait, but I'm back, babey!  
> PS you can drag my "Diego can Cook" headcanon out of my cold, dead hands.
> 
> ALSO: TW for Implied suicide. Be aware of that. Please.

Klaus dragged Dave to the bank uptown one Saturday afternoon. He forced him to sit on a bench across the street, plopped down excitedly right next to him (or as excitedly as a 60-year-old veteran could), and stared at the bank.

“Uhh… Klaus? O.K.? You good there, buddy?”

“Remember when I said we’d become superheros one day, Dave?”

“Like, you and your siblings? How could I forget?”

Klaus pointed at the bank, which was still relatively normal for a calm afternoon. Dave looked over at Klaus in confusion.

“Wha-”

Suddenly, alarms started blaring from within the bank while loads of people started pouring out, running for their lives. People were screaming, running in circles, and generally causing chaos and panic as one robber stepped out of the bank and fired a gunshot into the crowd. Klaus and Dave both flinched at the sound. The robber was pulled back inside by one of his counterparts, but not before the crowd outside reached maximum panic. 

Before long, police and news reporters were at the scene, the former trying their best to keep the crowd back while the latter seemed to feed into the pandemonium. 

Klaus tapped Dave’s shoulder, drawing his attention away from the crowd, and pointed to the end of the street. “Look.” There, a small black van with the Umbrella insignia on it was parked at the curb. As the kids inside poured out of it, Dave gasped. 

“That’s-”

“The kids, yes, I know, get with the program.”

The last one out was Reginald, who stood in front of the children as they popped to attention. He seemed to debrief them on what their mission was, then sent them off without another word. The kids turned and raced each other to the bank, grins on their faces, sneaking in unnoticed through a side window. 

“Will they be safe?” Dave turned to Klaus, worry etched on his face.

“Oh, hell no. But they’ll get used to it.” There was an element of animosity in his voice, as if he hated everything about what was going on, but he couldn’t do anything about it. And, well, he couldn’t. He could only be there for them when it was over.

“What’s going to hap-”

Dave was cut off by a gunshot, and he jumped, clearly startled. The rest of the crowd got the same impression and started screaming louder. “What happened?! Are they ok? Klaus, what’s going on?”

“Hmm? Oh, that was just Allison. She got one of the robbers to shoot the other one in the foot. The kids are fine.”

Dave looked at Klaus, processing this. Yes, of course he knew about all the kids powers at this point, but… Something like  _ that _ ? From a  _ kid _ ? From  _ Allison _ ? His thoughts were interrupted by another sound, this time a loud crash. Dave looked up just in time to see one of the robbers falling from the top window. Based on what he knew about the bank, Dave knew that that window was at least 20 feet in the air with nothing underneath it. The only way for the robber to have gotten there was if he was thrown. And that thought was terrifying.

“Luther?”

“Yep,” Klaus responded, popping the P. He was still unfocused, contemplating something. The chaos rages on around them, but it all fell away like a steady rain once Dave got a good look at Klaus’s face.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just…” Klaus sighed, turning to Dave with a tired expression. “I was almost hoping that they wouldn’t have to go on the missions, ya know? And I know that’s a foolish thing to think, because  _ of course _ they’ve still got to go on the missions, Ol’ Regidick Hargreeves is ‘raising’ them, but…” He trailed off, looking back at the bank. “I’ve ben rid of the ghosts that followed us for  _ so long _ , but now they’re gonna back, and they’re not even after  _ me _ anymore. And I know, it sounds weird, because  _ my  _ siblings were dicks to me after a while, back in my time. But these versions of them, I want them to be better. I don’t want them to be haunted by anything. But Reginald’s still  _ there _ and he’s gonna  _ fuck them up _ and we  _ can’t do anything about that _ .”

Dave looked at Klaus, whose head was in his hands now. He took his hand, the robotic one, and put it on Klaus’s back comfortingly. “We can try.”

They sat there through the robbery, through the kids coming back out and trying their best to look proud of the work they did, through Reginald’s “Bullshit Publicity Speech No.1” (as Klaus put it), and continued to sit there long after the last bits of the crowd left. When they finally got back, it was night. No less than a thirty minutes later, the Umbrella Academy was on their doorstep, excitedly telling them about their mission. 

As O.K. sat down with them, Dave brought out some lemonade from upstairs and passed it out to the kids. Cowabunga!! walked between them, jumping into Allison’s lap as soon as she sat down. She smiled, petting him, and he purred, enjoying all the attention he was getting.

“Where’s you sister?” Dave asked as he eased down into his chair.

The kids stopped and looked at each other. A couple of them, Five especially, looked almost guilty. After a few beats of silence, Luther spoke up.

“Well, uh, she isn’t really a part of the academy.”

O.K. hummed, stirring his glass. “She’s your sister, isn’t she? She deserves to celebrate with us!”

The kids looked guilty again until Five stood up, putting his glass on the floor. “I’ll go get her.” He turned, disappearing in a flash of blue. A couple minutes later, he appeared again, this time carrying Vanya along with him.

“Ah! The elusive Number Seven!” Dave grinned, pulling up a chair and pouring another glass. “Come on, spend some time with your gay uncles! And your siblings, too, but they’ve gotten enough attention today.” He winked, handing her the glass.

Vanya smiled, taking it and sitting down. They sat in silence for a bit, the siblings trying to ignore the fact that they had completely forgotten their sister. O.K. cleared his throat, gathering their attention.

“Well, my day was  _ wonderful _ , I got to fuck my husband!”

The tension was immediately broken, the kids and O.K. choking on laughter while Dave spit out his lemonade, clearly scandalized. “ _ KLAUS _ , YOU CAN’T JUST  _ SAY  _ THAT!”

Still laughing, young Klaus looked up, confused about why his name was said. He made eye contact with old Klaus, who suddenly realized what Dave did. The looked at each other for a second, young Klaus growing more confused as old Klaus grew more panicked.

“Dave,  _ you _ can’t just say that!” The kids finally stopped laughing, now looking at Dave and O.K. in confusion. 

“Say what?” asked Five, trying to piece together what was going on. 

“Nothing!” O.K. turned back around to the kids, his face slipping easily from panic to a grin. “Don’t worry about it! Now, let’s go back to the fact that I have  _ fucked _ somebody, now isn’t that  _ wild _ ?”

Everybody was laughing again, and the night continued on. They continued with their banter, Dave and Klaus bringing Vanya into the conversation whenever the other kids seemed to exclude her. They finally warmed up to Vanya again, and after a while, they were easily including her. Dave smiled, proud that they were being kids again. After they left, he turned to Klaus.

“Did you guys every include Vanya in your conversations that much as kids?”

Klaus paused, placing the glass he was rinsing back into the sink. “Honestly? We forgot she existed until she was right in front of our eyes, half the time. Hell, not even half the time, it was pretty much every day.” 

Dave frowned. “Well, I’m glad that y’all are doing better this time around.”

“Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

They eventually fell into a new rhythm. Along with coming to them after a hard training session, the kids would come over after nearly every mission. All of them. Vanya always looked so happy to be included, even though it still took a while for the others to actively incorporate her in their conversations. It took a long while, but she really was a part of the family. 

 

But even after all Dave and O.K. did, it didn’t do much on the ego of some. The day the event happened, Klaus looked worried. Which was an understatement for the state that he was in. He wasn’t willing to take on any clients that day, saying that “They’re too cluttered for me to sort anything out, sorry.” Instead, he paced the shop all afternoon, wringing his hands as Dave looked on with worry. 

“What’s going on?”

“You’ll see. I just hope, I fucking  _ hope _ he isn’t an idiot this time around.”

But fucking alas! He was. 

That night, the whole gang was back, sans Five. They all looked varying degrees of distraught, but Vanya looked the worst for wear. Ben had his arm around her, trying to calm her down, but her eyes and face were still wet with tears. She had her arms wrapped around herself, holding on to her shirt like it was the only thing that could keep her on the world. 

“He- he’s  _ gone _ . Five  _ left _ .” 

O.K. brought them all in, giving them all an extended hug as Dave made his complementary comfort food. He knew lemonade wouldn’t cut it this time, so he started on a a big batch of the best spaghetti he could make. They were going to need it all. Cowabunga!! walked into the kitchen, continuously stepping in Dave’s way as he walked around. 

“C-c-c- May I help? With, um, the ch-chopping.”

Dave looked up from where he was cutting the onions. He saw Klaus at their table, already having sat the kids down, starting on their “Complementary Sadness Conversation”, as he put it. In front of the counter, looking a bit awkward about asking the question, was Diego. He reached into in pocket and brought out a knife.

“I’ve got, uh, knives? I- I- Maybe I could help?”

Dave put down his knife and smiled. “Of course, kiddo! But you won’t need that kind of knife. Here, I’ll show you how to do it.” Diego walked over to where Dave was standing, and Dave slowed down his chopping and explained what he was doing as Diego watched attentively. After he finished that half of the onion, he handed the knife over to Diego. 

“Here, show me what you got.” Diego took the knife, shifting it in his hand, then stepped in front of the cutting board and started chopping. He started slowly at first, but as he got into the groove of it, he sped up, becoming more sure of himself. He finished the onion in no time, turning to Dave with a small smile.

“Wow! Kid, you’re a natural at this! You want to see how to do everything else?”

Diego’s smile grew bigger, and he nodded eagerly. As they cooked, they talked, Dave being patient with Diego as he struggled with his speech. Diego was happy; finally, someone that wasn’t his family cared. Someone that looked like a dad, but wasn’t an asshole, like his actual father. It was amazing.

Back at the table, O.K. was trying his best to keep the other kids stable. They were lost, in a way. The one that always seemed the most like their leader (despite what Diego or Luther might say) was gone, and they didn’t know what to do without him.  And neither did O.K., because he didn’t know what to do the first time. How was he supposed to know what to do now, when they were even closer than before? How was he supposed to  _ keep _ them that close?

And yet, despite everything, they were still ok. Because they really did have each other, this was just the first time that was tested. In O.K.’s timeline, their fragile system fell apart almost immediately, but this time,  _ this time _ , they stuck by each other. They were together, and nothing could bring them down. 

For the whole of two months, things shifted. The kids would still come around for late dinners after missions, and they’d still come around during their rare breaks and hang out. Dave and O.K. would hand down their knowledge the best they could; Klaus would talk to them about their lives, while Dave would support them and try to give them cooking lessons. (Key word:  _ tried _ . Diego was the only one making any progress.) But they had changed. They were really starting to grasp  _ how _ fucked up and bad their lives were, and no amount of Teen Vogue interviews could change that. Through it all, however, they still stayed by each other’s side. It was now that they really included Vanya with them, bringing her along wherever they went, and even making sure she was on the sidelines during missions (despite Reginald’s disappointed glare). She was their tether to the normal world, and they were hers to her reality. Even Luther started to keep an eye on her.

It was also during this time that young Klaus came over to O.K. and Dave’s while high for the first time. O.K. was the one to answer the door, and when he saw himself shaking on the doorstep, he knew he had to stop him. He had to stop him from fucking up his life again. He brought young Klaus into the main shop, sat them both down on the counter and talked, trying to convince him to “not do this again, goddamnit, I know it’s hard but  _ you’ve got this _ , ok?” 

As younger him nodded, Klaus sighed. He knew he was lying. O.K. sat up, looking around the room. Over the years, he had gotten better at blocking the ghosts out naturally, only calling on them when he wanted them around. Otherwise, he could get them to fade away. If he really concentrated, he could get them to materialize in the real world, but after living such a normal life for so long, that wasn’t something he wanted to pursue. 

“How many can you see?” Young Klaus looked up, still shivering, confused by his question.

“The ghosts. How many can you see?” To O.K., there were only a few in the room, and they were the chill ones, so he didn’t really bother wasting his energy on getting them to disappear. Young Klaus looked around the room. 

“Uhh… Not a lot, actually. I mean, there’s never a lot when you’re around, but like, that just how you are, I guess.”

Klaus sighed. He relaxed a bit, letting his guard down and bringing the other, not really wanted ghosts back into the shop. Several more than he wanted started appearing, drawn by the two of their powers combined. 

“Oh, shit,” they both whispered. O.K. took a deep breath, centering his focus, and tried to not let any more ghosts in. He didn’t want to overwhelm Klaus. 

“I’m scared.” Young Klaus looked over at him, wide eyed. “There’s- there’s a lot more now, I-”

O.K. put his hands on his shoulders, trying to ground him. “Take a deep breath with me, ok? I know you’re scared, it’s completely understandable. In fact, I’d get it if you were fucking terrified right now, because that’s a perfectly normal response to this, ok?” Young Klaus nodded, and O.K. carried on. “What you’ve gotta do, and it’ll be hard at first, trust me, you’ve gotta get them to leave.”

“But how do I do that?” The ghosts were getting closer to the pair, and both Klauses looked over worriedly.

“Well, where do you want them to be?”

“Not here.”

“Then think about them being  _ not here _ . It’s as simple as that.”

Young Klaus looked over at the ghosts, who were at the counter now. He closed his eyes tight, muttering under his breath. The ghosts, instead of disappearing, moved closer, and Klaus whimpered.

“Just focus. I believe in you, kiddo. And hey, I’ve got some leftover pie that Dave made, after this we can go upstairs and get some. We’ll go away from the ghosts. But right now, you’ve got this. I know you do.”

Young Klaus squeezed his eyes tighter, brow furrowing. The ghosts started to disappear, and looked pretty pissed about it, too. 

“Remember to flip them off as they leave!” O.K. was already doing so as they left, and Klaus opened his eyes slightly as the last of them disappeared.  

“Wow,” Klaus whispered, awe and delight in his face. 

“See? Told you you could do it!” O.K. reached out his hand for a high five, which he got, and got off the counter. “Now let’s get some pie.”

~~~

At the end of the two months, something unexpected happened. Five came back. And before he did anything, before he went to the Academy or even walked ten feet, he went to O.K. and Dave’s. 

The door slammed open to an almost empty store, Dave in his usual spot behind the counter and Klaus wandering aimlessly around the store. Cowabunga!! was sleeping on the counter, being pet by Dave. Five stormed in, stopping when he saw Klaus. They all spoke at once.

“Five?”

“ _ Five _ ??”

“You have a  _ lot  _ of explaining to do,  _ KLAUS _ !”

They all stopped, both Dave and Klaus taking a few seconds to realize what he meant. 

“Oh.” Klaus was the first to speak again. “Well, so do you, Five, honestly. I wasn’t expecting you back ‘till 2019.”

Dave brought them all upstairs, getting out some of the cake he had made for the kids’ birthday, which had been a week prior. Klaus and Five were already at the table, talking up a storm.

“How far forward did you go?”

“That’ not the point, Klaus, you’re my brother and you  _ never told any of us _ -”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll get to that later-  _ How far forward did you go _ ?”

“Well, if you  _ insist _ , I first arrived early April, 2019. It took me a couple months to cool off and concentrate enough to come back. I’m only pretty certain that I got the calculations correct, it has been two months since I left, right?”

“Well, yeah., but-”

“Then good. Now I think it’s your turn.”

“Wait, wait, a couple more questions.”

Five sighed. “Like what?”

“What did you see? What was 2019 like?”

“I think you’d know better than I do, based on what I saw.”

“ _ No _ , no, you idiot! Was the world still there?”

Five blinked, surprised by the question. “What, are you asking if the world  _ ended _ ?” Dave walked over and handed them each their plates of cake, sitting in a third chair with his own. He tried his best to not disturb their conversation.

“ _ Yes _ , I’m asking if the world ended, Five, I need to know!”

“No, everything was normal. Or as normal as it could have been when your siblings are almost thirty and apparently haven’t seen you in sixteen years.”

Klaus breathed out and sat back in his chair. 

“Well, now that you think about it, the world did  _ almost _ end. Apparently, the week before I appeared, Vanya went off her meds because some creepy dude stole them or something. Turns out she has powers,  _ and _ that she’s crazy powerful. The creepy dude fucked her up or somethi-”

“Wait, she  _ what _ ? Vanya  _ what _ ? Why wasn’t I there for that part?  _ What _ ?!” Klaus was back on the edge of his seat again, and even Dave looked shocked. Cowabunga!! took that time to walk into the room, meowing and lamenting about the empty store. Once he saw Five, he meowed again, trotting over and jumping into his lap. Five started petting him as he continued. 

“Yeah, she can create strong, raw energy from sound. It’s pretty badass, actually. But the creepy guy got to her first, and she was really dangerous for a bit. Apparently, everyone else managed to calm her down enough to not blow the world up or something. They all helped her through it, and when I left, she was staying over at you guys’s place. Oh, yeah, you guys helped, too, according to Luther.”

“Well, that’s… I missed a bunch when I left, huh? I wonder if they did that in my timeline. Doubt it.”

“Yeah, about that, as I was saying, how did you  _ get here _ ? I know you’re Klaus now, there’s no denying it. Only Ben and Vanya had figured it out by the time I got there, but the rest are dumbasses, so-”

“ _ Ben was there _ ?!”

“Uhh… yes? I think he said something about being really depressed at one point, but you guys seemed to help him through that. He also said the rest of us did, too, which is how it should be. He’s our brother, of course we helped him.”

“Yeah, that- doesn’t happen in my timeline.” Klaus looked down at the table, twiddling his fingers. There was silence for a couple of minutes. Five took a couple seconds to fully process what that meant. When it hit him, he put down his fork, lost in thought.

“Well, what happens in your timeline?” Five spoke again, then paused, picking up his plate and carrying it to the sink. Cowabunga!! got pushed out of his lap, mewd angrily at Five, who just huffed, and jumped into Klaus’s lap. “Let’s compare.”

“Well, first of all, I didn’t have an old me and his wonderful husband to raise me and my siblings better than that dickwad did. And that apparently has a lot to do with the outcome of things.”

“ _ Apparently _ .”

“Uhh, we were a  _ lot _ meaner to each other. Especially Vanya, we took a lot out on her. She even wrote a book about how fucked up our lives were! Which worked  _ wonders _ on our feelings towards her, obviously.”

“You guys sound more messed up than we are.”

“Oh, you have no idea. Speaking of you, you didn’t return until a week before April, saying the apocalypse was coming. You also said that you were in the apocalypse for forty years or something, but messed up the calculations and were back in your thirteen-year-old body. Which must have sucked, now that I think about it.”

“That- wow, yeah, that sounds like hell.” Five paused for a second, contemplating everything that had happened to his other self. Which sounded like a lot, even if he only heard a couple sentences of his fate. He honestly couldn’t imagine going through that. “What else?”

They continued on like that, comparing each other’s timelines and the differences between them. Based on what Klaus heard, a lot of things were different, and lot of them for the better. For example, Luther was much less of a dick, and was convinced to move out instead of stay with Reginald and become an embarrassing monkey man. He eventually became a gym teacher at a high school across the country, he got married, and he had a kid, who was already going to be “The best fucking football player in the world, just you wait ‘till you meet him, Five”. According to Five, who had been brought a second plate of cake and was now munching happily on it, “He’s a toddler, who can say if he can do spots yet! Besides, half of his uncles and both of his aunts will want him to be an arts kid. Including me, but that has nothing to do with my love of the arts, I just want to spite Luther.”

Diego had apparently become a failed-cop-turned-chef instead of a failed-cop-turned-vigilante, which was the biggest surprise to Klaus. Dave pumped his fist, proud that his hard work teaching him the basics paid off. Even though he knew that he would be teaching him for far more years to come. Besides, he got to spend more time passing along his skills, which he was  _ incredibly _ excited about.

Allison’s story was pretty much the same, except that she got better at knowing the difference between using her power and flat-out manipulation. Her and Patrick were still together, and she brought Claire to meet the family a month after Five arrived. 

Young Klaus became a painter, again to the surprise (and delight) of O.K. He went to college for visual arts, and was apparently doing very well. He had two partners, and the three of them were having the time of their lives at their art studio up in Canada. 

“I’m almost scared to call bullshit on this, because that sounds too good for me. I can’t  _ believe _ I changed this much just by staying back in Vietnam.”

“Well believe it, old man. And don’t think we’re not talking about that ‘Vietnam’ thing, either.”

“Oh, no worries Five, we’ll get to that later, trust me.”

Five glared, then continued on with comparing the lives of the two sets of siblings. Ben was next, and he had also become a high school teacher. He was trying his best to get in and teach at Luther’s school, but they apparently had enough english teachers, so he had to settle for one in another part of the county. Which he was still salty about, based on what Five had gathered. He and Luther were the closest of the siblings, due to them living so close together, which surprised everyone the first time they all met up. 

“We never met up in my timeline.” Klaus looked sad for a second, thinking about everything that could have been. “The first time we saw each other after we all moved out was right after Fuckface died. Well, actually, it was at Allison’s wedding, but we avoided each other for the whole ceremony.”

Five hummed. He had moved on from the cake and on to coffee, a mug of which he had in his hands. It was almost midight at that point, and Dave had gone to bed, bringing Cowabunga!! with him. As he walked off, he yawned, telling the pair to catch him up in the morning. “They said they tried to get together at least once a year, at one of their houses. For thanksgiving. The way they all talked about it, it seemed like a really good time.”

“I’m glad they got to do that.”

“Yeah. I’m glad they did, too.”

Vanya was last, and her life also didn’t seem to differ much from what Klaus knew about her in his timeline. She got an apartment in this city, went to technical college with money she got from odd jobs and dragged off of Reginald. She was amazing at violin, got money from teaching kids how to play, and was in the local orchestra. This time, however, she was happier. Her siblings cared much more, and at least one of them always tried to make it to one of her concerts. It was good. 

When Five was done, he looked up at Klaus expectantly. “Well? It’s your turn. Explain.”

Klaus sighed. “It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got time, old man.”

So Klaus explained. He started with the funeral, because Five had already gotten a lot of information from their earlier conversation. He told Five about the  _ hellish _ week that followed, the weird masked assassins, the random family meetings Luther kept having. Which he never got fully included in, so he didn’t really pay attention to them. Now, almost thirty-five years later, he couldn’t remember most of the exact events. He did, however, clearly remember being tortured, and he was glad Dave was already asleep when he got to that point. He talked about how Diego’s girlfriend broke him out, how he found the briefcase while climbing through the vents to safety, how he heard the gunshot halfway to freedom, how he knew, he  _ knew _ she was gone now and that it was his fault. He paused for a second there; he hadn’t thought about what happened to Patch in so long, and it hurt to reopen old wounds. It was a couple minutes before he could carry on.

He talked about the bus, about how he just wanted some cash, he just wanted to get high to forget about what happened back in the motel, but when he opened the briefcase, he didn’t find cash. Instead, he was dropped into the middle of the Vietnam war, and he had to endure many, many months more of hell. But he also found Dave. Who actually listened to him, who actually cared, who actually  _ loved _ him. So he just never left. 

“And then, well, we lived in north Georgia for a bit, that was really nice, and then I suggested we get a shop up here! So here we are!”

Five nodded, then paused. “Wait, it was  _ your _ idea to move up here?”

Klaus nodded, taking a sip from his coffee. 

“You’re more stupid than I thought.”

Klaus barked out a laugh, then covered his mouth as he kept snickering. When he finished, he took another sip of his coffee, still smirking. “Or maybe I’m wiser than you ever thought, hmm? I mean, look at how much the timeline changed for the better now that I’m here!”

Five hummed, looking skeptical as he finished his coffee. “Maybe.”

“You know I’m right, Five!”

“It’s debatable.”

“A debate that I’d win!”

“You’re insufferable.” Five sighed, but a smile was starting to form that he couldn’t hide.

“Why, thank you! I think you’re just an  _ arschgeige _ !”

“Don’t think I don’t know what that means.”

Klaus smirked, picking up Five’s mug as he went over to the sink. “I never think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY SO YOU KNOW HOW I MENTIONED THAT 8 MINUTE POKERAP THAT BDG DID????? YEAH IT CAME OUT TODAY AND IVE BEEN WAITING FOR IT FOR A WHILE NOW AND IM AHKDHFADHKLFDASLHKDSHKL YESSSSSS  
> IF YOU HAVE 33 MINUTES, TAKE THEM AND GO WATCH THE FULL PRESENTATION ITS ON POLYGONS YOUTUBE CHANNEL RIGHT NOW GO WATCH IT ITS SO GOOD AND IM SO PROUD OF MY BOY AND ADKASDKLDSAJLKASDKL


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